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Sometimes, Jay Spring believes he is “the most exceptional individual alive”. As a diagnosed narcissist, his grandiose moments can become “highly unrealistic”, he explains. You feel invincible and you tell yourself, ‘People will see that I stand above others … I’m destined for greatness for the world’.”

Regarding his experience, these phases of exaggerated self-worth are typically succeeded by a “emotional downturn”, during which he feels overwhelmed and ashamed about his behavior, rendering him highly sensitive to disapproval from external sources. He began to think he might have NPD after investigating his behaviors through digital sources – and was later confirmed by a specialist. Yet, he is skeptical he would have agreed with the assessment unless he had already reached that understanding on his own. Should you attempt to inform somebody that they have this disorder, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he comments – particularly if they feel a sense of being better. “They’re in a delusional world that they’ve constructed. And within that framework, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Clarifying NPD

While people have been called narcissists for more than a century, it’s not always clear what the term implies the label. It’s common to label everybody a narcissist,” explains an expert in narcissism, noting the word is “applied too broadly” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he notes many people keep it private, because of significant negative perception associated with the condition. An individual diagnosed will tend to have “an exaggerated self-image”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a pattern of manipulating others to enhance their social status through things like displaying material goods,” the expert clarifies. Those with NPD may be “highly self-focused”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

I never truly valued about anyone really, so I didn’t invest in relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in Narcissism

While a significant majority of people diagnosed with the condition are males, findings points out this number does not mean there are less female narcissism, but that women with NPD is frequently manifests in the vulnerable narcissism type, which is less commonly diagnosed. Male narcissism tends to be a bit more accepted, as with everything in society,” notes a 23-year-old who posts about her NPD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) on social media. It is not uncommon, the two disorders co-occur.

Personal Struggles

I find it difficult with dealing with feedback and rejection,” she shares, “because if I hear that I am at fault, I either go into defence mode or I completely shut down.” Despite having this response – which is often called “self-esteem damage”, she has been working to manage it and take advice from her support system, as she doesn’t want to slip into the damaging patterns of her earlier years. My past relationships were toxic to my partners as a teenager,” she admits. Through dialectical behavioural therapy, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she says she and her partner “have a dynamic where I told him, ‘If I say something messed up, if I say something manipulative, call it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her childhood mainly in the care of her father and notes she didn’t have positive role models as a child. “I’ve been learning over the years which behaviors are and is not appropriate to say during a fight because I never had that as a kid,” she shares. There were no boundaries when my household were criticizing me in my early years.”

Origins of The Condition

Conditions like NPD tend to be linked to childhood challenges. Genetics play a role,” says a consultant psychiatrist. But, when someone exhibits NPD characteristics, it is often “connected with that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “a survival tactic in some ways to cope in formative years”, he continues, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was conditional on meeting certain expectations. They then “persist in applying those familiar tactics as adults”.

Like several of the individuals with NPD, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “might exhibit similar traits. The 38-year-old says when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, don’t bother us.” When their focus was on him, it came in the form of “significant demands to achieve high marks and career success, he recalls, which made him feel that if he didn’t achieve their goals, he wasn’t “worthy.

In adulthood, none of his relationships lasted. I didn’t truly value about anyone really,” he states. Therefore, I never treated relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of forming deep connections, until he met his current partner of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, in a comparable situation, has difficulty with feelings. She is “very supportive of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he notes – it was actually she who originally considered he might have NPD.

Accessing Support

After a visit to his general practitioner, John was referred to a mental health professional for an evaluation and was given the NPD label. He has been put forward for therapeutic sessions via government-funded care (a long period of therapy is the only treatment that has been proven effective NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the patient queue for 18 months: It was indicated it is expected around in a few months.”

He has shared with a few individuals about his NPD diagnosis, because “there’s a big stigma that every person with NPD is harmful”, but, privately, he has accepted it. “It helps me to comprehend my actions, which is always a good thing,” he says. Those interviewed have come to terms with NPD and are seeking help for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the diagnosis. But the presence of online advocates and the rise of online support communities suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number